freedom to share your own opponion

 Soon after that when my blog was launching into spaces of web, I heard some criticism in style  like "I don`t have right not say my own oponion concerning YWAM because God had not given that right to me" from one "christian" leader, who seems to be fan of YWAM Tallinn and still believing that YWAM all over the world is doing great work. Yes  I agree that there can be some of them, who are doing good job  but  it do not mean that there is no another cultic side of YWAM - that there IS also some very bad things going one in midst of different bases of this organization around the world. 

But lets go back to the subject of this post- "freedom to share your own oponion."

When I had this freaking discussion with that leader over my rights to share my oponion publicly and she states very strongly that I have not that right from the Lord to say anything about YWAM because God had not given that to me, Lord reminded to me that His Word is not cancelled the basic laws and human rights, what He Himself had stated.

Like He had said in Jeremiah 29:7 that we suppose pursue the wellbeing of that place where we are living. And how we are doing that then? By keeping and following the general basic rules what gives us also freedom of expression.

So for example Human rights article 19th states freedom of expression so:  Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

Also 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America states the Freedom of Speech, Freedom OF RELIGION.

And then when we look again into Bible- then there is at least one passage which says that we have right to say and to do everything enough all is not useful. In 1 Corinthians 10:23 says so.

So yes when you have come out from YWAM and your experience with that organization was not so good then I want to encourage you - don`t be SILENT about that what you had come thru, except what others around you or even your feelings might say to you.

 One way not to be silent about your bad experience of YWAM is to write it down as diary honestly as it was and how people behaved with you and so on. Why? because it helps you!  Things what is not talked become bigger than they really are and because of that psychologically it is good to talk about that. As John 8:31 states that:if you know the truth then truth sets you free.

 Firstly with your diary and then maybe people whom experience with YWAM had not been also good.  Also reading about spiritual abuse and finding a support group might help you.

And one word to you who you are thinking about attending in YWAM DTS course. Please make good background research and pray and pray hard to find it out if it is for you. Don`t let it be like if it is God´s will then they receive me and if it is not then it is so. But pray it thru and get certain answer from the Lord concerning that.

"giving up your rights"- one of the main teaching of YWAM

Enough I had not been in lessons of YWAM  main teaching "giving up your rights"  in my short time of DTS I met like press to do that. Actually I had heard that before too that they have this teaching but I didn´t believed that it is so terrible. That you have done depending on fake schedule what is not certain at all :(.

For me, if there is a general schedule of doing things and then it is changed without warning people before it really take place then it is not right because schedule makers is not followed the rights of attendees to get know of the change enough fast. Because  enough people might be live in same room, every person have their schedule and it is very hard and complicated to change  his or her schedule so suddenly if he or she get info about changes to know basically one hours before the change starts.

Then for me it is not right to give in your information pamplets of DTS information what is out of date. It is really misleading people - especially those who had come into that place first time and are depending in getting information from that pamplet.

And of course for me every person suppose to have right to say no and right to refuse from making co-working and right to be alone etc.

why i decided to cancel my DTS?

Yeah, many of you might think, while you reading   what I am writing here that,  what were those reasons what  leaded me to this cancelling decision.
 Actually before going to the DTS, I had done my homework and made some research about that DTS course - like to get know why people are leaving and what they are saying about that at all. While I was working this material thru,  I gave to myself a promise that if it will go there for me too cultic I will cancel that and move away from there. Somehow I was "ready" for that DTS in YWAM Berlin base, might become bad for me.  I was not waiting for it but I was ready for that option because as it is - always things can go worse.
Also,  I believe that  there is  different reasons for leaving for every person as  each of us are different and this thing how people are experiencing things are also different.  Sorry if this text written in  next sentence offended somebody  who had experienced good with DTS.

 But for me this DTS was like somekind of abusive thing where all your personal rights have taken away and you are made like slave or puppy of the DTS leadership team. .

For me there was several things what I try to put into line  for you. 

 But before I want to say that Berlin was not new place for me. i had been there before four times and some of the closed friends of mine is living in Berlin. So to the DTS I arrived to there some days before because I wanted to visit my friends and walk alone in Berlin. I am 27 years old indepentant girl, who had lived alone separately from my parents already 8 years. And  actually I become really mad  when i have to depend on something or someone or follow stupid rules.

So the reasons were:

• First strange thing for  me was that  there was not door key for every person. It meant that for getting in you had to ring the bell and someone had to open the door from up. For me it sounds like stupid thing - like, wtf,  I am living there  and I don´t have the key to open the door for myself what gave to me a  freedom to come in and out as much and when I want? and I am paying for that?! 

•  Then there was  also another rule "to be in home" before 10.30pm and being late was not allowed".  For me it was complicated because before coming the DTS,  I had planned that I can visit my friend`s church in another part of Berlin as much I want and being there until end of the service.  Usually it took one hour to get back to the ywam place and those meetings were long so it means that I was late all the times  when I did it. For me it was important to do that - ie if i am in Berlin I want to use this option to see my friends more often than it is possible when I am in another country. 

• Then when school really started, it began to disdurb me that there was not possible to be alone at all. It means that  in all time there was people around me hitting my personal private zone. Because I had lived in dorm with two or three people together in past and somehow it had worked out for me then I thought that it might work out for me there too. But it didn´t and i know now why it worked for me then while i was living in dormitory in Estonia.  Because then, at that time I had been times while I had been possible to be alone - me and God. I am very sensitive person and it is causing me to feel bad emotionally while I can´t be alone at all and I have to be together with others all the time.

• Fourth thing, what seemed to me as pilgrim of Berliner a silly  stupid rule,  was that "it was not encouraged for students of DTS to walk alone in Berlin but only with someone else from the ywam." Because yes, I thought while I heard about that, okey i can´t be alone even outside of house and  absolutely all of my life will be seen by others.  Yes  ff course I understand the dancer of big city Berlin for person who is first time here... but for me who I had been there before i didn´t saw the reason for that.

• Fifth shocking  and untrust causing thing for me, was then I discovered from that introduction of DTS pamplet information that was out of date. There was information about one internet cafe and when I went there then it had moved and in that address were some other office. it made me really mad - what? to me is given out-of-date information? 

• sixth thing what made me really mad,  was this  strange limitation of wireless connection in house of DTS. Because for me it is normal at least once a day to read my emails and look things from internet. the internet is for me like tool. For example  I am following my church services every week via internet and if I can´t do that then it makes me spiritually hungry because this spiritual food what I got from there was not possible to replace with somekind of other stuff. 
• In connection with previous point  I remember that i got very angry when I saw that so called our internet using time were replaced with somekind of meeting which means that there wasn´t possible to use internet in that day.

• also  for me it was strange, where they said that ywam Berlin is right now your new church and family. I had been apostolically and prophetically aligned with Glory of Zion church in Corinth TX and i was wanting to continue that also during the school time because it was my prophetic life line. I had thought that I am coming to the DTS, to the school, not began to change my church specially when the church what is offered to you is not with similar spiritual dna what is inside of me.
• also it seemed to strange that people who suppose to be christians were singing worldly songs.

• last and main thing, what put the point to my studying in DTS Berlin, was that basically they wanted me to live somehow illegally there. Because before I came to DTS,  I contacted with German embassy in Tallinn and asked what I suppose to do while i am those 90 days in Berlin in this school and they in embassy recommended to me to register myself for that 90 days while I am in Berlin. The problem came out, when I talked about that with   leaders of DTS and they said that they can´t do that because actually in Berlin there is somekind of rule that over two people is not allowed to live in apartment but there was like 6 girl in one room and 5 boys in another room and they didn´t want that leaders of Berlin city don´t know that.  Because it had meant to ywam berlin that their contract with landlord of that house had been cancelled. something like that. Because I am obeying the law citizen person from other hand, i was wanting to follow the instructions what German Embassy in Tallinn gave to me.  it was also important for me  to keep good relationship with Berlin city leadership because Berlin is one of the my pilgrimage destination and  i didn´t want  take the risk  to get somekind  thing what is not allowing me to come to this city because of that  when Berlin city govenrment might  get know that I am living there illegally.

So for you, people who you have planning to attend in DTS somewhere please be aware that  you might become a person who might get somehow abused by taking away your rights or by lying to you etc.